Posts tagged personal.

We think we know what’s best for us and our hearts go after things we feel are just “perfect” for us, but with such limited vision and depth,we only see the exterior of what things appear to be. With time, we become aware of what is behind the exterior and say “Alhamdulilah, God protected me!”

So we should plan and strive, but in the end: We want and God wants but the the end will always be what God wants and subhanAllah, there really is no better outcome.


Coming from my heart, ya Allah.

ya Allah, sometimes I obey myself more than I obey You.

I follow my desires and lusts more than I follow the Qur’an, Sunnah and Your guidance 

Ya Allah, I am in pain.. 

ya Allah, I seek peace. I seek You to help me, and never to forsake me. 

Ya Allah, I have made so many mistakes and committed so many sins, yet You were always there for me when I was against myself. 

You were there for me when no one else was. 

You covered my mistakes

You covered my sins

You covered my weakness

Ya Allah, I have nothing to complain about

You have given me everything I deserve

You have given me everything that I don’t even deserve..

Ya Allah, if You don’t guide me, then who else will? 

Ya Allah, if You don’t forgive me, then who else will? 

I have no other but You

Ya Allah, I cannot run from you except to You so ya Allah, I yearn to You first. 

I admit my weakness to You 

Ya Allah, inspire me, enlighten me, have Your mercy on me. 

Ya Allah, allow me to serve You the way You deserve to be served. 

Ya Allah, I am in a state of ghafla so wake me up. 

Ya Allah, it is the night of Jumaa, it is at this time where I beg for Your mercy

Ya Allah, Ramadan is around the corner

Change me to the better and do not let me die in this state and give me a chance to Repent and come back to You

Ya Allah, I am in darkness so lighten my path 

Ya Allah, You have never forsaken me

You have created this entire universe

You sent down Prophet Muhammad as a perfect guide to us

You sent down Your word

"O Turner of Hearts, make my heart firm on Your deen"

Ya Allah, Wake me up before death

Ya Allah, I beg You Make the best day of my life to be the day that I pass away and come to You and You being satisfied with me

Ameen ya rab el alamin 
Yasmin Mogahed and me at the Prophet’s masjid before Maghrib Prayer :)

Yasmin Mogahed and me at the Prophet’s masjid before Maghrib Prayer :)

Me and Yasmin Mogahed <3

Me and Yasmin Mogahed <3

&#8220;This world is like a bridge, cross it and do not build on it." ~Isa (as)

This world is like a bridge, cross it and do not build on it." ~Isa (as)


In the beginning of the semester, I had a status posted about what had happened to me in two of my classes with my professors. So a brother approached me telling me I should write about it and publish it in the school newspaper. I thought it was a great idea..Well, I wrote about it, but never published it. Here it is:

Two of the most important protections of the Bill of Rights are freedom of religion and freedom of speech. I am a practicing Muslim and the principles of Islam are very important to me. Therefore, I observe the commandments of Allah, or God, which one of the commandments require modest dress including wearing the hijab, or veil.

Hijab is not just a piece of cloth lacking spiritual significance; it is a component of commitment to a particular way of life. In this way of life, modesty of dress is important. It represents the essence of God’s commandment as He knows what is best for us. Hijab is directly translated into veil. However, its purpose and wisdom provide it with a deeper meaning. Wearing a hijab is not a fashion statement, but its most important purpose is to wear it in obedience of God’s commandment.

     Sometimes, there is a misconception that hijab is just a piece of fabric we wear, when it should also be relevant to the way we act. It influences our state of mind, behavior, and lifestyle. Hijab is related to the essence of haya, or modesty. Modesty is an important part of Islam as the Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him) said “Every religion has a distinct call, and for Islam it is Haya (modesty).” Haya is the natural feeling that discourages us from committing a wrong. It is a constant reminder to refrain from forbidden actions. Haya is a concept that we all must work on, as individuals of both genders. If our haya was strong we would be able to refrain from desires such as a lustful gaze. It takes training and strong belief to strengthen our haya. 

At the same time, I am also a modern woman who is currently a student at Montclair State University whose major is accounting. One of my professors, on the pretence of being “friendly,” told me that I should not dress in my traditional clothing when going for an interview because it would hurt my chances of getting a job, as he was pointing to his head saying these exact words, “Diana, you might want to think twice about wearing that to an interview. Don’t be surprised if you do not get the job.” 

In another Business Law class, we were discussing the First Amendment so I brought up what my previous professor had told me. My professor responded, “He was trying to help and advise me because look you’re still thinking about it!”  

On the other hand, if I went to the interview without my hijab (which I would never consider doing) and then went back to it just to get the job, then I would be untrue to my own values. I believe that I should not take that particular job and it is part of God’s plan that I get a better job in the future. That job should accept me for what is in my head and not what is on my head. Just as I am entitled to freedom of my religion, the professors were certainly entitled to freedom of speech. Therefore, he should not be fired for his remarks but censured for his insensitivity and lack of ethics. If he were to lower my grade because of my religion, it would be an illegal act and he should be subject to losing his job. On the other hand, if the Human Resources Department discriminates against me for my religion, that employee should be fired and the company subjected to a substantial fine.

Finally, we live in an age in which American society, especially in the University level is promoting diversity of religion, race, gender, and ethnicity. Any violation of these principles would be contrary to the goal of higher education and society at large. If the professor who initially told me to not go into an interview because of my observance and the other professor told me that he was just trying to be friendly, then it is a very peculiar way of showing friendliness. I believe that a friend, or any well-meaning person, should support individuals in their personal commitments. Failure to do so makes an individual, such as this professor a poor role model for students. In an age of diversity, this respect for different religions and cultures is especially important. Therefore, the statements of these two professors are not only repugnant, but not keeping with the spirit of the times. 


Last night, I went to the masjid for itikaf. I was expecting some solo time with Allah (swt), but it turned out there were a whole bunch of young kids that were being so loud and obnoxious, I just couldn’t concentrate. When it was time to eat, I found this woman sitting alone in a table and figured I would go up to her and welcome her since it was my first time seeing her. I got to know her a bit and found out that she embraced Islam when she was thirteen years old by simply reading Surat Taha. I found myself breaking down into tears as she was telling me her story (I’m so sensitive when it comes to these things). I felt like I could relate. Every time I read Surat Taha, I feel like Allah (swt) is talking to me and asking me to throw my “dunia” staff, to detach myself from the world and throw away anything that is not going to lead me to my Ultimate purpose in life. So many jewels to be found in that surah. Anyways, that’s the relationship I try to have with the Qur’an. Like my teacher Amu Fikry said today in our halaqa, we should interact and react with the Qur’an.

He told us that when he first moved into the States, he had a roommate. His roommate would constantly write love letters to his fiance who was in Egypt. Whenever he would receive a letter from her, he would read and overanalyze it every single night. He wouldn’t go to bed unless he reads it over and over again. Amu Fikry was saying that is the relationship we should constantly have with Allah and the Qur’an. Simply treat the Qur’an as the most precious love letter you received from your Beloved. He had each one of us close our eyes, open the Qur’an and choose any ayah. Then, he had us explain how that ayah is relevant to us.

I keep going back and forth with the story, but anyways I just wanted to let it out of my system. The woman I met had a stepfather who was Muslim. Her family was trying to convince her mother that all Muslims are bad people and to simply stay away from them. They gave her the Qur’an and told her to read it that way she would be convinced that all Muslims were bad. Guess what? After reading the whole Qur’an, her mother accepted Islam as well. Allahu akbar. She accepted Islam after her husband passed away with Leukemia. May Allah (swt) rest his soul in peace.   

It amazes me how this dunia works. Her mother accepting Islam because her family telling her that all Muslims were bad people and their evidence was the Qur’an, not knowing that this is the holy book of Islam. A thirteen year old embracing Islam because she read surat Taha! I feel as Muslims, we don’t appreciate the beauty of the Qur’an. It even saddens me that as an Egyptian, I can’t fully comprehend the Qur’an. This is something I struggle every day with and I truly pray that Allah (swt) allows me to learn Arabic that way I understand completely what He is telling me through His words. I pray that He allows me to go to Al-Bayyinah Institute after I’m done with school. Another dream I would love to pursue. Ya Allah, guide me to what pleases You most and may He continue to guide us all. Ameen.


The rasul’s father was not alive when he was born. Does anyone ever think about that, about how the rasul felt not having a father? The thing is we read the seerah and we don’t reflect. How many of us reflect of what that was like, or what his journey was like? 

The rasul was calm, but strong. Everything he went through prepared him for his mission. Go back. Think into his life. 

"I got into this world, I have no father. I have a mother, but wait I can’t be with my mother to go to the Bedoins. Then, I come back and my mother dies. Who do I have? No mother. No father. Who do I have?" 

Think about this. Think about who we go to when we’re suffering? with security, or when you have a bad dream? You run to your parents, right? Imagine, nowadays people are always like “Oh, he was the messenger of Allah, he was the rasul.” many times do we sit down and reflect… the rasul also had feelings and he had those feelings for a reason. 

….I don’t have a mother…nor a father… who is going to take care of me? What type of man was my father? How can I know what type of man was my father? Then, he goes to his uncle, maybe I can look what type of man he was from my uncle, from my grandfather. So, he lives with his grandfather after his mother passed. His grandfather had a rug that was near the kaaba and none of his kids were allowed to sit on except for him. They would all sit around and RasulAllah (SAW) would come on it and his grandfather would embrace him, and he used to walk side to side. So just imagine, and the grandfather would take him open arms.  Imagine, you’ve been taken away, and the ones you loved the most have been taken away from you, but then you’re still been taken care of. 

His grandmother’s name was Fatima. She also took care of him, so she was also like his mother. She said that all her kids would wake up and they would have eye goo in their eyes, but when RasulAllah (SAW) would wake up, she’d ask if he took a shower, and as if his eye were with kohl. Isn’t that beautiful? (SAW) She took care of him, think of this because we never think about the sentimental feelings. This was a woman that took care of him when he had no mother or no father. So, is it surprising that his most beloved daughter was named after his grandmother? 

His grandfather now passed. He started to get older and he went to his uncle. He started understanding his surroundings. He realized that they’re not really rich…that they didn’t really have much.. he was almost poor and maybe he was a burden upon his family (some possible thoughts so we understand and envision what he went through). He thought that..maybe he should get a job… as a shepherd.. and there he was getting paid in pennies (very very little). Even though he was a shepherd, he aimed to be one of the best…and then became a businessman….

Then, he got married… Allah (swt) blessed him with a son..Al-qasem grew, walked, and called out his name a little.. just when he sees bits of pieces of this baby growing.. just when when he sees him calling his name..just when you have hope in this baby growing into a gentleman.. then Allah (swt) takes him…that is a very very very deep pain..probably worse than losing your own mother and father is losing your own son…(I haven’t gotten to the best part that made me cry)

So Allah takes away his mother.. takes away his he realizes you know there’s nothing there..Allah gives him his grandfather, then takes him away.. then Allah gives him his son, he doesn’t take him right away, but just when he starts to see bits of pieces of him..of course, it’s not to pain RasulAllah, but there’s a reason. Now, this man is craving for meaning.. 

The people he looks up to..his mother and father are not there… there has to be something… so he’s searching..goes to the cave… trying to grasp something.. grabbing so hard for meaning and purpose. He wants warmth and care. Allah swt kept taking away these things so he can look towards Allah only… the pain was so deep that it caused him not only to make dua, it caused him to retreat. 

Some people are lost, but they have other things they can try to fulfill themselves with, you know like cars, their house, their family, etc.. so sometimes they can make dua and then stop… but here, Allah swt kept hitting him so hard every single time so he won’t get attached. Allah reminds him that he was created to get information to be raised under Allah swt. He was raised directly under Allah (swt). 

Amu Fikry, one of my beloved teachers told us at one of our halaqas that Allah is “rabena, ” but He also gave us our mothers and fathers to raise us so for a while, we looked up to them, but the rasul was different because He was preparing him for something much deeper.. He was in the direct tarbeya (raising) of Allah and Allah did not have anyone interfere with that.. 

The next worst thing after being in a tribal society and not having a father is not having sons because we have this concept of “Who is going to carry your name thing” In a tribal society, you have to have a father;  “a name,” or have a son to uphold your name, if you don’t then who are you? So again, think of his pain…we see he had no place. Even though people respected and honored him, he really didn’t have a place. “You have a place because of who your fathers and sons are”, but Allah didn’t want him to have any type of power, he didn’t want him to have any interference. He wanted him to be a guide to everyone. 

He loved his daughters so much. He had umm kalthoom, kawthar, Zainab, and Fatima. Zainab gets married and passes away. What made me cry was when I heard of Fatima. She was the most beloved to rasul Allah (pbuh). When Fatima died, he went into the grave with her. and made dua for her, washed her, and put in there and then went into the grave again with her and he made a dua… just imagine, who goes into the grave with somebody? That’s how much love he had for her and made dua that Allah expands her grave. 

Imagine after all these voids, that Allah (swt) after all this pain and longing, Allah says “iqra”, and Allah finally gives him the answer he was looking for. He honors him, he doesn’t say “iqra be esm alathee el khalaq”.. He says “rabaka”  Allah personalizes, Allah wants to let him know that “I am Your Lord,” I am Your Lord, nor does He said  “I am a Creator, why rabb? 

Think about the word rab. If you put it together, rasul didn’t have a rab(someone who raises) in the house, in terms of mother and father. Allah says, he could have said ana ilahak or so many other things. He says “I am the one who raised and took care of you.” 

Now think again.. rasul lost his mother, father, grandfather and grandmother.. and here, he’s thinking I don’t have anyone, but now I have everything because I have Allah.. I have Allah to take care of me, I am in good hands.. and then Allah reveals to him….

Imagine after all these voids, he was just like this is stable..Now imagine, when the rasul stopped receiving revelation…and how at that time he was told that Allah has betrayed him..just imagine how he felt..imagine what he went through and how hard that must have been…Imagine the pain he felt when Allah stopped talking to him after he finally found the answer..That’s how bad it was.. He felt like Allah was displeased by Him.. 

And just as he’s at that point, and as he’s under the direct care of Allah (swt), He comes down with the verse, “Wad-duha, wel leili etha saja ma wad da3ka rabuka wa ma qaleh…" (Surat Ad-Duha) Why does Allah use the word "yateem?" He’s reminding him he was a yateem (orphan), and Allah guided him, because when you’re a yateem, you’re lost and confused, remember how lost the rasul was and how he had no place in the world, he had no parents. Allah blesses us with parents so that they can guide us, but he didn’t have any of that. No father, no guidance, no place in society. He was respected, but he had no place. 

This has been my favorite surah because whenever I am going through something, I read it to myself and I try to feel that Allah is talking to me, of course he’s talking to the rasul, the Qur’an is for everyone but I feel like Allah is talking to me like “Diana, I have not forgotten about you…” Allahu akbar.. 

You’ll never find a person who was more tested than the rasul. He was tested in every aspect, but Allah does not do that with us. Something I was thinking about is that Allah is with the oppressed.. with the one who struggles… imagine the one who is tested, how close Allah is to them… but someone like the rasul, anddd…that’s why there’s no barrier between Allah and the rasul! Peace and Blessings Be Upon Him, ya rasul Alllah. 

This past weekend, I was blessed enough to attend the Pearls of The Qur’an retreat in Virginia with really amazing scholars. One of them was Imam Alaeddin El-Bakri, his lecture was really powerful and he was speaking about the hardships that Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) went through. So after I returned, I wrote about it and a few things I learned from him. I will post it in a few, insha Allah it serves as a reminder for all of us and I pray you all benefit from it. 

My dream come true! Truly, Allah (swt) is the Best of Planners!

SubhanAllah, I’ve been making so much dua that Allah gives me the opportunity to go to Umrah this year. My dad just surprised me and told me that my sister, him and I will be going in May and guess who will be leading the sister’s group we’re going with? Yasmin Mogahed and her husband along with Amu Fikry, my favorite teacher EVER!!! Ya Allah, what more can I ask for?! <3

If anyone has any dua requests, feel free to message me insha Allah. 


“Those who rest not their hope on their meeting with Us, but are pleased and satisfied with the life of the present, and those who heed not Our Signs.” ~Qur’an, 10:7

This is a dangerous point to be in, we forget that meeting and so let’s look into ourselves and see what is missing in our hearts because we all know what’s keeping us away from true guidance and Allah (swt). No one is perfect and there is always that barrier. I ask Allah (swt) to make us of those who attach our hearts to Him, who our hearts only yearns for His meeting. I ask of Him to fill that void with His remembrance. Ameen.


"The pens have been lifted and the ink has dried.."

Everything is written, all that is asked on the Day of Judgment, Allah will say “Are you willing to give up your child…to go to heaven” The mother will reply saying “Yes, yes yes..” and He will say that “I asked you for so much less in the dunia. I gave you, and I blessed you and I granted you…” We need to turn to Him because He wants to help us, when we need something, ask Him alone. In return, we are benefiting. He’s just providing us an outlet that is stronger. People are just looking for outlets all the time. People are constantly searching for something. 

There is a hole in all of our hearts that is only filled with Allah (swt). There is a hole that not money, not material things, not even how far you get in education, not how good you look or what husband you have, not what car you have…there’s nothing that will fill that void except for Allah (swt). It’s like a puzzle, think about your heart that is missing that piece, istaghfurAllah He is not a piece, but He is everything! Until we learn that everything belongs to Him, like the concept of “To Allah we belong, and to Him we shall return,” this is not something we say only when somebody just dies, right now to Him we belong and to Him we shall return. If you feel like something is getting in your heart, and you feel like you are getting attached to it, you should say it. At that point, when Allah swt blesses us with something good, we should not take it lightly, we should be afraid that it will be in our hearts and we become attached. With it, we forget about Allah (swt)’s remembrance. So when you get something good, ask Allah (swt) to not allow this thing to take you away from Him and ask Allah (swt) to protect you from it, and remind yourself that to Him you belong and to Him you shall return, no matter what happiness you are feeling right now. So it’s not true when people say that you are crushing your happiness. Rather, it’s uplifting your happiness. Just like you’re buying a house and you say this statement, you’re reminding yourself you will return to Him and that itself is true happiness.